(Click the above 3 minute animation which summarizes my philosophy)

ELABORATION:  Via the evolution of my www.SheDumpedMe.net and www.IdoNOTwantKids.com sites, quite bluntly, I have been on an absurd number of dates.  I have met hundreds of people, made some incredible friends, had wonderful experiences, and been focused upon in the media around the globe. Click here to see a sample:

For more information, you can also view the following 5 minute video which may do a better job of explaining what the heck I am talking about:

Hence, via my experiences therefrom, I have learned many things and made many friends (and many enemies).  And one of those things I learned is that I definitely am NOT compatible with the majority of women wherein I no longer obey historic dating etiquette – particularly after the volume of bad experiences I’ve had when I did.  I likewise am not interested in going on any more dates unless I think there is real compatibility.  As you will quickly learn, I am very seriously trying to find that special someone and live happily ever after.  However, I will not bullshit or play games or put on a charade.  Perhaps some will say I'm vulgar, selfish, cold, self-centered, conceited, cheap, unchivalrous, etc. (Indeed, many have).   Or, perhaps, someone might actually grasp what I'm doing. 

Therefore, please "Do NOT date me" if...

1.   If you have or want kids, do NOT date me. 

Elaboration:  Quite simply, this issue has become such a massive problem, I even created www.IdoNOTwantKids.com which is the world's only free KIDFREE / CHILDFREE dating site!  I highly recommend you visit the site.  I have also lost track of how many women have confided in me that they will ‘settle,’ just so they can meet a guy and make a baby in time via their biological clock ticking away.  I do not want that concern.  If you simply seek sperm, baby batter, male mucus, guy glue, or whatever you women call it this week, do NOT date me.  I do NOT want kids.

2. If you think a coupon is like Kryponite on a date, you should NOT date me.  I don’t care if it is the first date or we are married for 40 years.  I use the entertainment coupon book and highly recommend it.  Heck, here is the link:  www.entertainment.com.  It makes the perfect gift.  I know because I usually receive mine as a gift.  J

Elaboration:  I have heard countless women say that men should NOT ever use coupons on a date.  The majority acknowledge, however, that coupons can be used after marriage.  I honestly cannot grasp how a female brain works.  Why does a person have to get married just to save 50% on dinner?   Why put on a charade?  So in other words, I potentially can have sex with you, and get married to you, before I can use a coupon?  Explain that to me!  One of the biggest causes of divorce is money.  After people get married, they begin to handle finances differently (i.e.  they cut back on expensive dinners, invest in real property, etc.).  So why waste time putting on an act?  Why not just be yourself?  You object to coupons?  No problem.  I totally understand.  I am not for you.  That simple.  But why wait to eventually discover what the person is ‘really’ like and waste many months/years with them? 

NOTE:  Some folks still are not getting my point so let me be even more blunt (if that is even possible).  I'm not insisting on coupons just to save a few dollars on a meal.  Indeed, many times the coupon costs me more money since I end up going to a restaurant I wouldn't ordinarily frequent.  My issue with coupons is that I do not believe a person should act one way before marriage and an entirely different way after marriage.  That simple.  (But heck, I am half Jewish, so why not save a few bucks if possible?)

3.  If you require the first date to be a dinner instead of an informal cup of coffee, do NOT date me. 

Elaboration: I have lost track of how many people said they would only meet if I treated them to dinner, and not a mere informal cup of coffee.  To me, what’s important is the company, not the venue.  Furthermore, I am not interested in turning this into a competition wherein guys have to spend more and more money just to meet somebody – which is what I’ve discovered many ladies judge the relationship on.  Furthermore, why torture each other with a lengthy dinner?  At least with coffee, you can make an easy exit if the date is bombing.  Also, I have lost track of how many female friends confided in me that they have gone out on dinner dates primarily just for the dinner (i.e.  “dinner slut” – which is their term, not mine).  By only doing coffee, that eliminates the entire issue of why people are really meeting. 

4.  If you require a minimum purchase price of $15,000 for an engagement ring, you should NOT date me. 

Elaboration:  In fact, if you have any purchase price requirements for an engagement ring, you should not date me.  To me, some things are priceless regardless of how much or how little you spend. It is the thought that counts!  No offense, but you ladies really need to get over this whole “ring thing.” Its turning into a competition and eradicating the romance. I know people that have been badly hurt because their ring was smaller than someone else's ring.  That is really pathetic.  And yes, it is true, guys whine if we don’t get a big screen television. However, guys certainly don’t base the quality of the relationship on how much was spent on the television. Sounds pretty silly, right? In fact, my parents were very very poor when they got married. Nonetheless, at my Mom’s funeral, I watched mournfully as my dad placed the original ring back on my mom’s finger that was purchased when they were poor, uneducated and merely teenagers. And I can assure you, my parents over the years obtained far more expensive and extravagant rings, particularly with my mom’s very lavish taste. But to me, and obviously to my loving parents, that ring symbolizes more than the actual purchase price. 

Elaboration:  I’m not sure how, but I think I have met every female on the planet that evidently can NEVER eat at any commercial restaurant whatsoever including, but not necessarily limited to, Bennigans, Old Man Raffertys, Chi Chis, TGIF, every single diner in the state, etc.  Instead, they can ONLY eat at finer food establishments that require reservations via a strict diet, health reasons and/or sanitary concerns.  For example, the last person I met declared that her body was a ‘temple’ and demanded nothing but the finest food.  This is particularly ironic considering she told me this as she sipped her raspberry mocha frappuccino (which has whipped cream and syrup on top).  As for me, I’d much prefer to simply grab a pizza, Chinese takeout or grab a subway sandwich instead of a fancy schmancy dinner.

6.  If you take offense to the request for us to mutually get tested for a STD prior to intimacy, do NOT date me.  Likewise, assuming a relationship begins, if you are not going to be upfront and honest and tell me what you like and dislike behind closed doors, do NOT date me. 

Elaboration:  I am dumbfounded to find via my female friends confiding in me that women rarely tell their boyfriends what they are ‘really’ like behind closed doors.  Instead, they very gradually reveal a little bit at a time over many months/years.  Evidently, from what I’m told, women fear that they will scare the guy away or appear un-lady like.  But why wait?  If you are going to be physical, regardless if it takes 1 month or 1 year, why put on a charade?  Why not just be viciously honest and tell the person what you like and what you don’t? Likewise, why not just tell the person how frequently or infrequently you like something. Sooner or later, the person is going to find out anyway.  Most times, it occurs only after marriage wherein major problems arise. One of my favorite examples is a girl I know who wanted to marry a particular guy so she insisted to him that she was a nymphomaniac. Two years later, she dumped him complaining that HE wanted sex too much.  Why not just talk about it upfront and find out if you are compatible behind closed doors with vicious honesty?  Obviously any STD's must be revealed upfront, preferably even before the first kiss.  Again, why play games?

 7.  If you will not keep your PROMISE(s), do NOT date me. 

Elaboration:  I believe very strongly that when a person makes a promise, they should do absolutely everything in their power to keep it. Nothing says you have to promise. But if you do, you must keep it. Again, dating to me is a preface to marriage. And somebody not keeping their word makes me very concerned.

INFAMOUS #8 (aka the Deal Breaker).   If you are not going to contribute about 50% of the time, do NOT date me.

Elaboration:  I am baffled why a woman can openly say to me that I MUST pay 75%-100% of the time for their dinners/vacations/rent (even if the woman has a better income/education), and that is acceptable/chivalrous.  However, if I say to a woman that I want her to pay only 50% of the time, I am unromantic, conceited, cheap, selfish, cold and/or unchivalrous. 

I am looking for a soulmate.  So why the heck should I give 100% and the female admittedly gives 0% when it comes to money?  Again, I do NOT want kids (i.e.  www.IdoNOTwantKids.com). Hence, they certainly aren't going to be home taking care of the kids.  The fact is, even though my tactic may appear conceited, it certainly weeds-out the fakes and shows me who is really really serious about the relationship/compatible.  Again, I have lost track of how many female friends confided in me that they have gone out on dinner dates primarily just for the dinner (i.e.  “dinner slut” – which is their term, not mine).  Via only doing coffee and/or taking turns paying, it eliminates the entire issue of why people are really meeting/dating.  And honestly, how unfair am I being if I'm only asking the female to contribute equally to the relationship?  And yes, men can still be romantic/chivalrous without paying for everything all the time.

To me, dating is a preface to marriage.  It is a partnership.  It is a team.  Each person gives physically, emotionally, intellectually, and yes even (gasp), financially.  To me, when a couple gets married, they are certainly going to share all aspects of their life, including their finances.  So why do something entirely different while dating?  I want to see what a person is ‘really’ like prior to marriage.  Furthermore, I have lost track of how many women have said they will not go on vacation or out to dinner unless the guy paid each and every time.  Truly, its not just a money thing.  If somebody will ONLY be with me if I PAY them to be with me, well, then, um, perhaps they are with me for the wrong reasons.  That sounds more like an employment contract, than romance, to me.  (Note:  I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with a female wanting the guy to pay 100% of the time, or the guy sincerely wanting to pay 100% of the time.  That is just not for me.)

And yes ladies, I know.  My philosophy totally flies in the face of dating etiquette and tradition and I’m sure most of you are probably disgusted with me.  And before you even ask: If she or I couldn’t afford a certain vacation or a particular dinner, no problem. We will simply go someplace that we can both afford. Again, call me crazy, but to me it is the company that is important, not the venue. Perhaps I'm unorthodox and in the minority, nonetheless, I'm simply ascertaining how a person feels about this sensitive issue without wasting a lot of time unnecessarily. 

Lastly, my approach eliminates the age-old bullshit fiasco of the bill coming at the end of a date and both the male and female arguing over who should pay, even though they both secretly have a preference as to who should really pay.  Here is a 100% true story: 

An attractive blond I know went out on a date with a guy 6 times.  On the 6th date, the following discussion took place:

Female:  "Let me pay.  You paid the last 5 times." 

Male:  "You Sure?   Really?"

Female:  "Absolutely."

Male:  "Wow.  Thanks very very much.  I really really appreciate that."

Afterwards, the female NEVER spoke to the guy again because she was so terribly annoyed that the guy actually let her pay.  Meanwhile, the poor schlub had no idea that the female actually preferred the guy pay all the time.  Again, the female is not necessarily wrong for wanting the guy to pay 100% of the time.  That is her preference, so be it.  The problem is, they never honestly communicated what they really wanted.  Hence, the problem!

Does this make me unromantic? I personally don't think so. Indeed, although I may not spend nearly as much as the next guy, I will NOT lie, cheat, mislead, etc. I will, however, be there through good times and bad, through sickness and health, through EVERYTHING. That IS romance, not how much money I spend. And the same goes for you. Regardless of how much money you make or don't make, I do NOT want fancy schmancy stuff. To me, it is the person/company that counts.

ABSURD TRIVIAL EDITIORIAL NOTE: I have received a number of emails from women suggesting I watch the movie "Joy Luck Club." I have since watched it. No offense ladies, but I think you need to have your heads examined. Perhaps I am missing something, but that movie is over two hours long and consists primarily of young, extremely attractive/petite Asian women (which definitely isn't a bad thing), who are sadly physically and emotionally abused, cheated on and raised for the sole purpose of making babies. Consequently, one woman abandoned two of her infant children on the side of a dirt road, and another female drowned/murdered her own child to seek revenge on her husband! Likewise, almost all of these women had terrible relationships with their Mom. Quite frankly, I couldn't even figure out why people suggested I watch this movie until somebody finally pointed it out to me: There is about a 5-10 minute scene buried in the movie where one of the women is married to a very wealthy guy who makes the girl split the bills in half. First off, I am flabbergasted that out of all the horror in the movie, the concept of a woman having to pay 50% was the one part you seemed to remember. How absurd! Nonetheless, you should also know the following: 1) That guy was evidently very wealthy since he made 7.5 times more than the female (in my case, many women make equal/more than me -- which is a GREAT thing to me), 2) That guy made the female pay for stuff even if she didn't spend the money (he would order a steak dinner/ice cream, and she would only have a salad but would have to split the bill), and 3) he was an uncompassionate, inconsiderate schmuck that dictated every aspect of the relationship including having a crooked table in the center of the room that you couldn't even touch otherwise it would fall over. *Ironically though, in the movie, it was actually the female's idea to pay 50/50 in the beginning of the relationship with the very wealthy guy... so thanks ladies... I'm glad I watched the movie after all... Perhaps I'm not so crazy after all!

 Comment: 

I have received volumes of email reciting the "Law Of attraction" or "The Secret" wherein I'm supposed to specify what I want, not what I do not want.  Therefore, to satisfy those individuals, this is what I want: 

A female in the NJ area that is attracted to a vertically challenged (5'5"), frugal (I use coupons), hairy (Italian/Jewish/Catholic/Etc), lawyer who reads the above text and feels the same way I do (i.e. She does NOT want kids & wants to be treated as an EQUAL in the relationship). 

* Comical footnote: I previously also indicated that I wanted the female to be a "virgin nymphomaniac" but I received an insane amount of irate mail. Just to let you know, the point of me wanting a virgin was so that I could technically be the best she ever had no matter how bad I was (by default), and the reason why I said nymphomaniac was because what guy doesn't like sex? But alas, I've decided to remove the comment (sort of), even though I personally thought it was COMICAL!

Conclusion:

Not to sound conceited, but I don’t think I’m such a horrific guy. Heck, I exercise 30 minutes every day and have done so religiously for the past 8 years. I have a doctorate’s degree. I am a practicing attorney admitted in NJ, NY, DC and even the Supreme Court of the United States. I do not drink, smoke, gamble and have never tried drugs. I do not sleep around. I am financially responsible (aka frugal) and viciously direct/honest. I had the world’s greatest childhood and my parent’s are my heroes. I keep my promises and try and live life to the very fullest (i.e. sky diving, bungee jumping, stand up comedy, white water rafting, kayaking, water skiing, trapeze, etc). Hence, I would much rather be "single" than be attached to somebody for the wrong reasons. Heck, it's also a lot more fun!

Interestingly, it seems the volume of hate mail I receive has declined over the years since the creation of SheDumpedMe.net.  I suppose the idiotic stigma of internet dating has finally vanished and my alleged desperation is finally viewed as determination and specificity.  In fact, I initially received hate mail saying I was too desperate (when online dating was taboo since few understood/utilized the internet).  Now I receive hate mail saying I am too picky, corrupting courtships and am unchivalrous/cold/frugal/cheap.  Hence, I suspect that after the above addition, I shall yet again be banished.  I’m still not sure why.  Nonetheless, feel free to let me know your thoughts although I have a hunch you predictably won’t be a fan of my unorthodox approach.  And in the unlikely event I haven’t totally appalled you with my philosophy on dating, then PLEASE do get in touch with me because I really would like to meet you for a friendly cup of coffee.  You are indeed as unique as I.

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