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www.IdoNOTwantKids.com response - Interview Request from Canada/Student paper on childfree
Submitted by www.IdoNOTwantKids.com on 03/Dec/2009 in reply to Interview Request from Canada/Student paper on childfree posted by Carlos on 03/Dec/2009
Message:
Question # 1 - What made you decide to become, or gradually move towards becoming, a childfree person? Was this choice recent or has the idea been for a while? How do you think the idea of remaining childfree has evolved throughout your life?
I always said I did NOT want kids. I have said it for as long as I can remember. People come up with all different dumb theories as to why I don’t want kids (i.e. involving my childhood and/or my parents). But the absolute truth is I have the world’s greatest parents with the world’s greatest childhood. In fact, anybody that knows me can confirm that I truly believe my parents are my heroes.
As for how the concept of being childfree has evolved, well, I always knew I did NOT want kids. What I did NOT know is that 99.99% of the population DO want kids. I likewise had no idea that most of society views childfree as negative. Hence, it is killing me dating wise. I meet women that married/dated drug abusers, gamblers, liars, cheaters, have multiple kids with multiple partners, owe child support, physically abused the women, etc. But alas, the second I say I do NOT want kids, I am the antichrist and they won’t date me. It is actually quite comical. Hence, since I’m not exactly a subtle guy and there simply were no solutions available, I created the world’s only free childfree dating site: www.IdoNOTwantKids.com.
I am not making a penny from the site. It actually costs me money. But alas, there simply was not a place for the childfree. Most people don’t even want to say childfree out loud. In fact, some of the members of www.IdoNOTwantKids.com even state on their profiles something like, “Finally… I can say out loud that I do NOT want kids. I can finally say I do NOT like being around kids, I can finally stop lying about the kid issue on other sites, etc.” Many people even reveal, for the first time, they have a vasectomy and/or tubal ligation in their profiles on www.IdoNOTwantKids.com. When is the last time you saw that on a dating site?
Again, I really hope this doesn’t sound conceited, but people are calling me the “poster CHILD of CHILDFREE.” How ironic! Meanwhile, all I’m trying to do is get a date. I’m not trying to make a statement. But at the same time, I’m not going to sit idly by when people ban/criticize me for saying I do NOT want kids. That is just stupid.
Question # 2 - What main advantages do you think the childfree lifestyle has? Which advantages have you experienced in your own life? How about disadvantages or challenges of being childfree?
This question doesn’t really make sense to me. As a huge generalization, I suppose having a child is not something that should have advantages or disadvantages. It is simply something the person desires in life. I have met countless people that have spent a fortune trying to have/adopt a child via fertility issues, etc. It is indeed THE most important thing in their life and I think that is wonderful. It is not because having a child has “advantages.” It is simply because it is something the person desires – which I think is a good thing. Likewise, the advantages of being childfree should have the same philosophy. If you do NOT want kids, then don’t have any. That simple. For example, lets assume having a child had tons and tons of advantages (i.e. tax benefits, makes dating easier, increases your health, makes you bigger/stronger/better, makes you leap tall buildings, makes you a genius, etc). Regardless of the benefits and/or non-benefits, I do NOT think people should or should not have kids based on the advantages/disadvantages. If you do NOT want kids, do not have any.
Obviously, it goes without saying that being childfree provides one with more freedom/money/etc. Similarly, having a child perhaps provides one with a family to grow old with/a bigger gathering at Thanksgiving/the ability to re-live your childhood, etc. But again, those things mean nothing, nor should they, to certain individuals. Every person is different. A person should NOT have a child if they do not want a child. The advantages/disadvantages is unique to each individual and what they want in life.
I’m frequently asked “Who will take care of you when you get older?” when I reveal I do not want kids. Number one, I’ve gone sky diving, bungee jumping, white water rafting, surfing, etc.. so I don’t know I’m going to get much older.  I’m enjoying life waaaaay too much. But hopefully I’m wrong and I will get older – much older. And if I do get older, I certainly wouldn’t want my kids to take care of me. I wouldn’t want to burden them. They should be out enjoying life, not have to change my diapers and be a burden. Furthermore, having kids just so they can take care of you seems really stupid to me. That’s like me getting married just so I can get a tax deduction. Lastly, I’m a frugal guy/not the sharpest pencil in the box, but even I realize it’s a lot cheaper just to pay for super duper good health insurance at a young age (wherein I will have doctors/nurses/etc take care of me when I get older), than the cost of raising a child. Perhaps you haven't heard but raising a child costs a LOT of money. Furthermore, even if you do have a child, nothing says they will take care of you and/or if they will even be able to care for you even if they wanted to. But again, I think it is dumb logic to raise a child just so they can take care of me. The whole point, I THOUGHT, of having a child was because you wanted to, not because you think you can get something in return (i.e. somebody to take care of you when you get older).
Question # 3 – What do you think the current awareness of childfree people among the general population is? Do you think it’s increasing? Why do you think that’s the case? What do you think about the attitudes toward the childfree people among the general population? Do you think this is improving?
Ironically, here is something I JUST wrote on a newsgroup last night when the issue of childfree came up. As you will see, people ADMIT they do NOT even want the concept mentioned. I NEVER would have imagined it would evoke such a negative reaction:
It IS a horrible thing to say [childfree]. And to them (and me), that sort of pre-requisite says something about you. you arent willing to sacrifice. I dont care for le like you to be honest.
I am thrilled to see people finally being open/honest about the “childfree” issue. Indeed, most times, the mere mention of the word results in deletion which, to me, is foolish. But allow me to try and respond to some of the prior comments. For example, Mr. “---” previously stated:
It IS a horrible thing to say [childfree]. And to them (and me), that sort of pre-requisite says something about you. you arent willing to sacrifice. I dont care for le like you to be honest.
I honestly don’t see why it is “horrible” to not want kids. Indeed, allow me to ask Mr. “---” and the masses a question: What is worse… a childfree guy like me that doesn’t want kids or a person that has a child and then doesn’t take care of it? Ironically, I’m an attorney and I see countless cases of people not paying their child support, child abuse and/or foster homes overflowing (many times with multiple kids and multiple partners). So am I worse because I realize I don’t want a child wherein I act responsibly? In fact, just to confuse you more, what if as a childfree person I’m actually donating a portion of my salary to charities researching solutions to avoid child defects (which arguably is feasible since I don’t have the expense of children)? Now what do you think of a childfree person? Hmm?
Similarly, Mr. “---” said in a prior post:
What I don't like about you is that you are angry at the rest of the world who have children....
That statement simply is dumb. Of course I’m NOT angry at the rest of the world for having children. Indeed, I had the world’s greatest childhood with the world’s greatest parents. In fact, anybody who knows me can confirm my feelings that my parents are truly my HEROES. I simply do not want kids. But if you do, that is wonderful. Indeed, everybody else on my family tree has and/or wants kids. I think that is wonderful. I simply do not want kids.
As the above indicates, most of society is telling me to “shut up” and not say “childfree” and I am wrongly being blamed for not sacrificing and allegedly hating the world. This is very ironic to me since I’m actually the one making a “sacrifice” by being honest and upfront about it. Indeed, not to sound conceited, but lets face it, I probably would do better with the ladies if I claimed I wanted “2.5 kids and a white picket fence.” But alas, I am being open/honest about it. To me, one of the worst things a person can do is waste a woman’s time on this very sensitive issue via the biological clock ticking away. Indeed, having a child is one of the most important things to many people and I would not dare interfere with that. Hence, that is why I’m simply being honest about it and avoiding a woman from wasting her time. But ironically, it is the masses that are telling me to NOT talk about wanting to be “childfree.” Seriously folks… careful what you wish for..
Lastly, do I think the childfree lifestyle is improving in acceptance? Nope. 99.99% of the population completely disagrees with me. So if it has improved, it certainly hasn’t improved much. But no worries. That means nothing to me. Again, all I’m trying to do is get a date. But it does, admittedly, fascinate me that people keep screaming that people should have kids, yet many of these are the same people that don’t even pay their child support, abuse their children, are miserable, etc.
Question # 4 - Have you experienced personal intolerance of any kind (e.g. verbal aggression, ostracizing, harassment, etc.) from others when you have openly voiced you are a childfree person? How has this affected your life (emotionally, financially, psychologically, etc.)? If you haven’t openly voiced your choice, what do you think would happen if you do so? You feel like you are encouraged to voice your choice? Why or why not?
See the response to question #3 above. It explains a lot. As for how it effects me, well, it is making it really difficult to get a date! Most women want kids. Furthermore, I refuse to waste a female’s time. I do not want to waste her biological clock as it ticks away. I think that is one of the worst things a person can do. Hence, I say up front that I do NOT want kids. That is for THEM, no me. As noted above, if I said I wanted “2.5 kids and a white picket fence,” I predictably would do better with the ladies.
For some reason, every time I even mention the word "childfree" my messages get deleted. Is it such a horrible thing to say: I do NOT want kids?
Believe it or not, I have also been BANNED from speed dating events because they do NOT want me to ask whether the female wants kids. They claim it is too probing. Duh! How dumb... why the heck would a female want to waste her time/biological clock going out with me if I do NOT want kids.. I'm only doing her a favor by being honest about it. My attitude is people should simply be HONEST and say what they want/not want.. and they certainly should NOT be deleted/banned just for saying they prefer not to have kids.
My gosh... many people have criminal convictions, drug problems, gambling problems... I also constantly see messages from people looking for one night stands, cheating on their spouse, etc. But alas, because "I do NOT want kids," I'm evidently such a horrible person. It absolutely cracks me up. And that is exactly why I created the free site www.IdoNOTwantKids.com.
As for me feeling encouraged to voice my childfree opinion, generally speaking, no I don’t feel encouraged. I do NOT feel encouraged since 99.99% of the population disagree with my belief, and as the above indicates, many even admit “It IS a horrible thing to say [childfree]”. But so what? Even if 100% of the population disagrees with me, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if I do NOT want kids, I should not have any. Sadly, I am one of the few people that seems to believe this and actually say it out loud. Nonetheless, it is fascinating to receive two emails in the same day. One says I am an “innovator” and thanks me profusely for creating www.IdoNOTwantKids.com, while another email moments later says I must have been abused as a child and I allegedly hate the world.
Interestingly, as an attorney, I have the unusual ability to ask very personal/probing questions. And shockingly, when I confidentially ask a person that has kids if they would do it over again, they confidentially confide in me many times that had they known the sacrifice/commitment/work involved, they would not have done so. In my opinion, and based on my experience, many people are having kids because they think that is what they are SUPPOSED to do. What a terrible reason to have kids in my opinion.
Tragically, women have it even far worse than I do when the childfree issue is raised. Foolishly, much of society tells women they are “inadequate” if they don’t have kids. What an absolutely stupid, inconsiderate and absurd statement to make. Yet, sadly, many women are raised to believe this. Again, if a person does NOT want kids, they should not have any. And as for women who are sterile or lack the ability to have a child or perhaps got a tubal ligation, sadly, I have women who confided in me with tears in their eyes that society views them as deficient. How stupid. Not everybody wants kids and I am one of them!
Question # 5 - In regards to social activism in support of the childfree people and lifestyle, what are the main actions that you would propose childfree advocates to engage in to improve the social awareness and tolerance towards this lifestyle?
Honestly, I don’t care if society is aware or tolerates my decision to be childfree. All I care about is finding a female in the New Jersey area that feels the same way as I do and is attracted to a vertically challenged (5’5”), frugal (I use coupons and believe the female should pick of the tab sometimes and helps pay for her own vacations/rent), hairy (Italian/Jewish/Catholic), childfree (www.IdoNOTwantKids.com) guy. In fact, you should definitely view my goofy animation reflecting my philosophy on dating (which obviously includes the childfree issue). Here is the direct link:
http://puzzele.com/dumped/questions/dontdateme.htm
(there is also a direct link from the www.IdoNOTwantKids.com website)
But if I was to recommend one thing to the childfree community, that is easy: Tell everybody you know about the 100% free childfree dating site:
www.IdoNOTwantKids.com.
Seriously. I’m not making a joke. What the childfree community needs is a place to find people that feel the same way and can actually say it out loud. It is irrelevant whether others who want kids agree with you. Who cares. Indeed, as the above indicates, some individuals admit that the word “childfree” should not even be used. How dumb! So seriously, my advice is to promote www.IdoNOTwantKids.com and create a free profile. It costs nothing and is actually creating “social awareness” while helping other childfree folks.
Question # 6 - How do you expect the concept and lifestyle of the childfree person/lifestyle to evolve in the near future (say, in 5 years from now) in the public domain? Do you predict a positive or negative outcome overall? What do you think might cause such outcome?
I hope this doesn’t sound terribly conceited, but I think the best shot at the childfree belief growing is my 100% free website www.IdoNOTwantKids.com. I’m not just promoting the site. The fact is, that is the ONLY place I could find for childfree singles. Trust me, I’m a practicing attorney. If I could have found a childfree female who would date me, I wouldn’t have bothered to create the site. The problem is, there simply was no other choice. Nothing existed for the childfree, so I created the solution.
Some people say, what about using all the other dating sites? Most times, people strangely suggest Eharmony. However, and ironically, Eharmony BANNED me because I said their matchup system was crap since they admittedly do NOT have the ability to match me with CHILDFREE people -- something their ads failed to mention. Here is an exact quote from an email they sent me after I complained/banned:
---
This, however, will not prevent you from possibly receiving matches that may have children living with them on a part-time basis (weekends only, every other week, etc.) or children that are over the age of 18. Currently, we do not have a specific setting that will match you only with members who have never had children or currently do not have children.
---
So do I expect the concept of childfree growing in the next 5 years? Nope. It is now nearly the year 2010. And from what I’ve seen, 99.99% of society is opposed to childfree and/or doesn’t want to admit it. Hence, statistically speaking, the law of probability states that the likelihood of the philosophies of society changing in the next 5 years is improbable. But again, not to sound like a broken record, who cares what other people think. If you do NOT want kids, do NOT have kids. And if you do NOT want kids, create a free profile on www.IdoNOTwantKids.com. And lastly, but perhaps most importantly, if you ever find a female that feels the same way as I do in the New Jersey area, please send her my way. I obviously can use all the help I can get in finding that special someone!
Trust me people.. you can say out loud “I do NOT want kids.” There is NOTHING wrong with that. So let me say it again, proudly and loudly: I do NOT want kids! (dot com).
Sincerely,
Christopher M. Puzzele, Esq.
Creator/Founder of www.IdoNOTwantKids.com
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