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I read this...it warmed my heart from someone who acknowledges the truth about being a parent.....
Submitted by PastroK on 17/Aug/2009
Message:
heartburnkid:
Yes, I was a lurker here and loved/laughed at every response for a few months. Now, I feel like posting here. I have a baby, so throw tomatos at me now. I was an idiot and didn't wear a condom, and as fate laughed at me it gave me one of these little fuckers. Now I would never hurt my own baby, I do feel the need to persuade any idiot that is thinking about having one of these life ruiners to simply not do it. Here are a few reasons these little gas and shit filled fucktards are a huge mistake.
1. They make noise all the time- So basically playing a computer game, watching television, sex, telephone conversations, having a peaceful shit on the toilet, a relaxing shower and the like are now things from yesteryear to you. They scream, and you are supposed to reply rapidly or thet get LOUDER. Yes, and they aren't stupid. They know when you are doing something you enjoy (i.e eating) and will fuck up anything you enjoy by screaming like an uncircumsized banshee. Sometimes I ignore mine for a few minutes hoping she will stop but no.....(vivid images of slamming her into a wall appear but alas, I can't do that)
2. They piss AFTER you change a dirty diaper, then laugh! - As if saying "Fuck you" they will pee the second you pull a dirty diaper away. You know, right before you put a fresh one on. Like stated earlier, they know what they're doing and have abosolutely no remorse whatsoever. The little bastards can basically just piss you off without caring in the slightest bit that you're mad. They just flash a cute little smile and know they just accomplished their mission.
3. Sleep, say goodbye! - Because these assholes will wake up SCREAMING at the top of their lungs the second your dream has started or gotten good. For instance mine will wake up balling the minute my eyes shut in anticipation of a long deep slumber. I once asked the little bitch "Do I do this to you while you take your 19 naps a day?" She hasn't replied yet but when she does I bet it will be nonsense.
4. They give unwanted attention. - If you're like me then you hate people. But people seem to love these little unwanted nuiscances so be prepared. Perhaps a can of mace should be sufficient when some old bag asks you multiple questions about your little fuckseed. The "oohs and aaaaahs" your little bastard will garner is enough to make any sane human lose their minds.
5 And lastly, they never know what the fuck they want. - Seriously. They will cry non stop even after you try the basics. Formula, juice, diaper change, playtime, whatever and they STILL CRY! Little motherfuckers eat up stressing you going apeshit and mine especially loves seeing daddy throw shit all over the house in anger that he wasted perfectly good sperm better suited in a kleenex than creating a little brat such as herself.
5b. I lied, one last gripe. - Bottle holding is annoying. - I don't wanna hold a bottle for a long ass timeto a babies mouth while they shake their heads and act like they don't want it. So when I prop it the little asshole spits it back out after a minute or so once I get nice and comfy then cries for the fucking thing to be put back like I am her fucking slave! I want to throw her out the window and let the little kitty cats eat her up but alas, I can't. Like I said earlier I would never hurt my own baby, but it is sure fun to fantasize how much better my life would be if I could. I actually sympathize with people that microwave their kids and throw them in garbage pails.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Later.
- Me
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